so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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