so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
