Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
