either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
