In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
