if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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