Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
