He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
