he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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