I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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