I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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