She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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