I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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