There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
