I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize