I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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