i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
And then he peed in my hair
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