Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
