you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize