if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
