yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
