So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize