Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
