we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize