shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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