We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
