I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
