I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
