i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She even gives head with a lisp.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize