i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
