My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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