i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
