I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
