Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
