im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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