sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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