Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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