It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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