whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
