i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
