Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
