Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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