respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
