My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
