I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
