You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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