FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
