I have demons in me.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
