Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
