Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
