I think I won the penis lottery.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
