is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
