You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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