i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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