I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
They are going to name an STD after you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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