Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
