it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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