absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
