so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
