..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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