Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
