i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
