There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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