the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
