Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
