I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
