listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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