I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
